this is gonna be a weird post, we are veering like dangerously close to “life hacks” territory, so, sorry in advance. and yet
in tech / art we talk a lot about imposter syndrome and at least partially because i’m a white dude with a huge ego that’s kind of never been a problem for me, except that i get imposter syndrome really bad for just being a person. as in, like, for real, what if everyone around me realizes i’m just a weird calculating flesh machine oh god what if
WHAT IF
anyways at best this is a healthy check on my ego, at worst it can be paralyzing and a massive ongoing distraction to doing normal things like a normal person. so, here are some things that I do at social gatherings that seem to help:
try to remember to spend more time listening, less time talking. you will learn lots of crazy things and won’t have to bear the full burden of the conversation either
make eye contact. this frequently feels weird and invasive to me but the person you are listening to may think you are uninterested / pretentious otherwise! like listening, making eye contact is more about them than you
switch seats often. if it feels weird, hang a lampshade on it. “hello, i’ve just switched seats because i’m a robot pretending to be a person. who am i sitting next to now?” (after waiting for a reasonable pause in the current conversation!)
get a ginger ale or sparkling water from the bar (and leave a nice tip). it will keep your hands busy, it looks like a real drink, it’s cheap, and will help with dry mouth! if you’re up for it, offer to buy someone else a drink if theirs is running low (gives you a chance to recharge your social batteries too)
don’t talk about work or the weather. clutch topics: art, food, mutual friends. avoid: “i really hate [thing]! how about you?” (feel free to indulge in a “oh i hate that too!” though)
take risks. if you are hedging your bets with this other weird crap it’s ok to try conversations that you might be afraid to otherwise. can always beat a hasty retreat with “ha ha i am so sorry that was super weird” (but only if you really earned it!)
that is basically everything i know about ‘being cool’ haha. probably half of it is wrong too. and i’m pretty sure that even writing this blog post pretty much permanently qualifies me as a robot masquerading as a human too haha. thanks, imposter syndrome!!